Our Heart for those in or considering a relationship...
Whether you are single, considering a relationship or in a relationship, your identity as a disciple of Christ does not change. That means, you are still a child of God - loved and accepted. There is nothing to prove nor anything to accomplish.
Being in a relationship is a blessing from the Lord. Just like every blessing that God gives us, it must be stewarded well so that it does not become an idol. Our heart for every courting couple is that they will steward their dating life well, make wise and godly decisions and establish clear boundaries so that the enemy will have no entry point into an individual’s life to steal, kill and destroy what God intended for beauty and His glory.
Stewarding the courtship journey begins with a correct understanding of the journey and what are the goals of each stage of the journey. We have put together here a short writeup of the various phases in the courtship journey. However, a more detailed version can be found in the booklet mentioned below.
Pre-Courtship
The Pre-Courtship Phase is a period of time where one has “coffee-dates” with another individual of the opposite sex. These “coffee-dates” can involve doing an activity together, having conversations over a meal or a drink, etc. It should not be romantic in nature as it is at the exploration phase.
Phase Goal
- Attraction - Do you desire to spend more time with this individual to know him/her at a deeper level?
- Compatibility - Am I able to connect with this individual with the potential of a deeper connection?
- Friendship - Can I forge a close friendship with this individual? Is there sufficient common values and interest?
Transition
This phase should take at least 3-4 “Coffee-Dates” and not last longer than 6 months. After 6 months, both parties should decide if they want to progress to the next phase of the relationship (exclusivity) or remain as friends. The key principle is this – after 6 months, the status between both parties should not be ambiguous.
Courtship
Both individuals in this phase progressively involve each other in their daily lives, increase in conversational depth, and progressively involve each other in their social and family circles as they both discover if they would like to spend the rest of their lives with each other.
Phase Goal
Broadly, the goal of this phase is to answer the following questions (more details are found in the booklet):
- Do I feel comfortable with this individual to spend the rest of my life with him/her?
- Can our relationship and subsequent marriage bring glory to God?
- How aligned are we in our values, lifestyle and plans for the future?
This is still an exploration phase. Although the relationship is now romantic and exclusive in nature, one’s expectations should be adjusted that the relationship may not progress towards marriage.
Transition
This phase should culminate with a marriage proposal, or a transition back to being friends.
Ending a Courtship well
At times, in the midst of courtship, one party may decide not to progress any further. This can involve a variety of reasons. However, it is important to end the courting relationship well and to preserve the friendship if possible. Below are some broad-stroke suggestions on how to end a courtship well (more details can be found in the booklet):
Initiator: Have the conversation face to face. Acknowledge that pain will be felt by both parties. Be honest but not overly detailed. Be sympathetic but do not offer false hope. If possible, pray together to close the chapter.
Receiver: Listen and do not defend. Do not post your grievances on social media. Have a posture of wanting the best for the other individual. Share with 1-2 close friends who can support you during the grieving period. Grieve well, but do not hate the individual.
As a church, we recommend that you involve a leader during the break-up session (Cell Leader, Area Overseer, etc.). Having a third party at the break-up can help to stabilise the conversation and protect each other.
Upcoming Events
The Courtship Journey
6 April , 2 August (3.30pm - 4.30pm)*
This briefing aims to brief courting/exploring couples on the various stages of courtship, what is expected of them and how they can steward their journey well. This briefing is applicable for everyone that is exploring a relationship or is in a relationship.
Register for the next briefing here!
*Dates are yet to be confirmed. An announcement will be made once the dates are confirmed.
Resources for Individuals in or considering a relationship
Curated episodes from various websites that will help your courtship.
Selected and trusted websites that provide excellent content for your courtship.
Articles for Individuals in or considering a relationship
5 Essential Qualities To Look For When Dating by Dr. James Dobson Family Institute
YouTube Videos for Individuals in or considering a relationship
Podcast Episodes for Individuals in or considering a relationship
